Where I’ve been…

 

Hellooooo beautiful people! πŸ’œ

How’s your 2018 going so far? 😊 Time already running away from you? Me too.

We get so caught up in life’s day to day happenings and all it’s mundane repetitive routines that we forget to stop and take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

I feel like my life is so, so different now to the way it was even just a year ago.

I’m still a Youth Leader, and loving it wholeheartedly. But even that has changed exponentially. There are almost double the number of kids, and our team has shrunk and grown in ways I never expected it to.

Now onto the actual reason I’m writing this:

U n i v e r s i t y

Before I start, disclaimer: I fully acknowledge how massive of a privilege getting a tertiary education is. I appreciate it so much, I really do.

Not that I’d mind being Justin Bieber and never having to work a day in my life again but, yeah πŸ˜‚ (Tbh I think I’d still want a degree even if I was famous and totally pull an Emma Watson….y’know, if I was half as smart and driven as she is)

I changed courses.

After 2 years of doing Law (LLB), I changed over to a Bachelor of Arts degree in Media, Communication and Culture.

Why?

I never wanted to be a lawyer, or pursue any kind of legal career in the first place, and future careers aside, I was not enjoying the course.

And that’s putting it lightly considering I disliked it enough to change courses completely after 2 whole years.

I wasn’t enjoying the course, I wasn’t doing well in it, and I couldn’t relate to any of my classmates.

It was a miserable 2 years for me.

And not to say that it was all bad, I learnt the coolest things, taught by the most passionate lecturers and had amazing experiences (like visiting the actual high court and witnessing part of a real life murder trial).

It’s just that, it wasn’t my path. It wasn’t meant to be.

I’ve always known what it was and still is that I love to do, and that’s writing. Anything media related has always fascinated me. You’d think that this would make choosing a university course easy, right? Wrong.

I took for granted the fact that I always knew what my passion was, because the reality its, not everybody does.

I think a lot of seeds of doubt planted themselves in my mind towards the end of high school.

What if my passion isn’t really my passion? What if one day it isn’t my passion anymore? What if I’m not as capable as I thought? How was I going to be financially stable as an adult on careers based off of this? But everyone else is going to do medicine or law, so I should too. It’d mean I’d have a stable future.

This line of thinking is pretty much how I ended up here.

I remember going to see the student counsellor in my second year of uni, the lady asking me all the questions I was terrified of asking and answering myself. She asked why I didn’t just pursue what I’d wanted to in the first place.

β€œI was thinking about the future, I don’t want to struggle” I answered.

β€œWhy are you afraid of struggling? Why are you afraid of work?” she exclaimed, bewildered.

And she’s right.

We’re going to face hardships in whatever field of work we go into. You might as well face them while doing what you love.

If you’re going into university soon, please follow your gut. No one knows you better than you know yourself.

And all the people around you bombarding you with a myriad of opinions? They’re not going to be living your life for you.

Also, if you’re not ready to make that decision just yet, take a gap year.

If you’re in the middle of university like me and not too sure about making the change, you’d be surprised at the number of people who change courses, and how many wish that they could. You’re not the only one.

Everyday it pains me that I’m 21 years old and literally starting over again, that there are 2 years of my life gone that I’ll never get back, that everyone my age is moving on with their lives from a point they passed 3 years ago that I’m still standing on. It brings me down, it really does.

And a part of me always fears that I was never cut out for university or never will manage to get a degree.

2018-02-12 08.40.52 1.jpg

But you know what?

Now I get to study the things that I love, the things that I’ve always wanted to, cool subjects like English Literature and Philosophy and Film and Writing for the media, and Contemporary Culture.

I’m surrounded by like-minded people, people like me for the first time.

I’m even writing for the school paper as a Lifestyle and Entertainment journalist, now.

I finally feel like I’m headed in the life direction I’ve always wanted to head towards. Even if I did have a 2 year detour.

I can’t predict the future, and I won’t really know if all this was worth it till that degree is in my hands.

But as Demi Lovato used to sing in the opening theme of β€˜Sonny With A Chance’:

β€œSo far so great.”

 

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