I turned 24 two weeks ago! For the first time in a while, I wasn’t overcome with a creeping, lingering sense of dread about getting older. I’ve got neutral feelings about my age, about my life thus far, and that feels great. It feels great not to be so hyper-focused on a number. I look forward to arriving at a place in my life where I’m content and at peace with everything.
I don’t know when that day will arrive, but it keeps me hopeful. It’s not something that has to happen in my twenties. In fact, it’s most likely not going to happen in my twenties. Your twenties are such a turbulent time in your life when you’re stuck between the tsunami of figuring your life out and transitioning from childhood to adulthood. So I’m not putting any pressure on it, on myself, and that’s what gives me peace, giving myself permission to mess up as I find my way. Not that certain things won’t plunge me into an existential crisis, I’m working on it, lol.
I try not to think about things too much, especially as a person who is prone to being anxious.
This year was tough. This year was unbelievably difficult. This year felt unbearable at times (a lotttt of the time). I think we all struggled in some way. My still being here feels like a miracle after the roller-coaster of a year that it’s been.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to show for the past 12 months, but then I remember that I ought to cut myself some slack, given the circumstances (a never-ending, global pandemic and the implications of that). I interviewed two people (I look forward to doing way more in future, it’s something I’m still really passionate about), I was the lifestyle and entertainment editor of my university’s student paper, I got my first paying job and I survived the absolute worst of my mental health (barely, but I did and that’s the point!).
I’d love to fast forward to financially-stable-years-old or done-with-university-years-old but as much as I’d like to, I can’t. So until then, it’s the life equivalent of putting one foot in front of the other for me. And that’s okay.